Yesterday I promised I would write about what it was like to play kickball in school. Oh this will be so fun!
Kickball was only played on days that were scorching hot outside. If it wasn’t hot enough that the ball would melt after 25 minutes it was too cold to play kickball. It also had to be so sunny that the sun would reflect off anything even the littlest bit shiny.
The gym teacher was clever enough that she had us play kickball on the asphalt, which, being dark grey, would absorb heat so no one could sit down without getting burnt.
Before we played kickball she would ask if everybody remembered the rules. I never remembered the rules. By the 4th year of playing kickball that excuse was a little unbelievable. I think I know the reason I never remembered (or learned in the first place) the rules.
Gym Teacher: “Everyone knows the rules, right?”
Me and most of the other girls: “No.”
Gym Teacher: “Okay, we divide into two teams…”
[It’s so hot outside, I wonder if there are any butterflies today. Maybe I’ll try to catch a butterfly after school. I’ve never seen the kind of butterflies that are blue and shiny, I wonder why…]
“Then the pitcher will roll you the ball…”
[I wish I were swimming right not. Swimming in the ocean. Maybe I would see a fish. Or, what, what’s it called?]
“If the ball goes behind that line it’s a…”
[Snorkeling! It’s called snorkeling! I like snorkeling. I saw a fish that looked like Dory from Finding Nemo. That was a cute movie. Once I dreamed I was Nemo. It was very realistic. The first time I saw that movie was in a theater. I think I was four…] ”
“If you get less that half way to the next base you aren’t out…”
[What earrings am I wearing today? Oh yeah, it’s the little green squares. Where did I get these? I don’t remember, I wish I also had a pair that was blue. Is it Friday? It is Friday! Thank god it’s finally Friday! I wonder if someone can sleep over this weekend…]
“The people in the outfield will try to throw the ball to…”
[What kind of cat would I be if I were a cat? I think I would be one of those spotted, fluffy ones. It would be horrible to only get to eat one kind of food for your entire life, though. I guess cats don’t have to worry about getting fat because they don’t love food. Wait, that makes no sense. Cinnamon is very fat.,,]
“And then the two sides switch and we keep playing. Does everyone understand?”
[Oh crap, she’s done, what did she say? Two teams switch sides every now and then and they throw balls to each other? No, to the other team? They throw the balls to the other team and something about snorkeling. Okay, I’ve got it.]
I am now beginning to realize just exactly whose fault it was that I didn’t know how to play kickball. It true, the gym teacher deserves all the blame.
Anyway, then we would play kickball. I would eventually screw up something and then no one would throw the ball to me anymore. That was a relief. There was also a rule that you couldn’t stand next to your friends in the outfield (or was it the right field?) and chat. That is a stupid, horrible rule and it deserves to be locked up in the Tower of London and get its head chopped off.
Of course, if you were in the line to kick the ball you could always just let people go ahead of you until someone noticed you’ve been at the back of the line for the whole class regardless of which team was kicking the ball. Somehow they always noticed…
Moral of this story: Never force your kids to play sports they don’t like because they will end up being bad at kickball and disliking all team sports. And they may or may not make up a life for themself if they were a cat. (Short haired tabby with big ears named Strawberry. Lives in a big house with a lot of fireplaces. Don’t tell.)