This is a message to all the Dog People out there. Not the people who have dogs, not the people who love their dogs, not the people who get dogs instead of kids, and not the people who don’t like cats. This is a message to the Dog People. Those are the people who think EVERYONE should love dogs. Not the people who wish everyone would like dogs, the Dog People, the people who take my personal dislike of dogs as an attack on their way of living.
Dear Dog People,
I am glad that you love your dog. I’m glad that it makes you happy. Really, pets are great. What I don’t like is how you are convinced that anyone who doesn’t like dogs is an evil alien brought to this earth to tear it apart tree by tree.
I am not an evil alien brought to this earth to tear it down. I am a person. A person who doesn’t like dogs. Not a person who hates them, just a person who doesn’t like them. I tolerate them, I will pet them if you promise they won’t attack, and there are some dogs that I like. Four, in fact. The two that are still alive are named Noodle and Jeeves.
Ok, so I don’t think all dogs are bad, and I don’t hate them.
You, Dog People are the people with a problem. You are the people who think EVERYONE should love your dog. This is especially hard because usually the Dog People’s dogs are the most crazy, hyper, loud, and huge dogs on the planet. Usually the Dog People are convinced that their little Puffy Fluffy Head is the sweetest thing in the world. Unfortunately little Puffy Fluffy Head looks rather like the three-headed dog from Harry Potter.
Another thing that you Dog People do is you take my personal dislike and apprehension of dogs personally. You think that my saying I don’t really like dogs is like a personal attack on you. Guess what? It’s not! It’s just my opinion about an animal. Would you want me to be scandalized if you said you didn’t like parrots?
I don’t care if you don’t like cats. I will put my cat in the basement when you come over if it makes you feel more comfortable. The problem is, you don’t usually want to put little Sweetie Nougat outside when I come over. Little Sweetie Nougat is the kind of temperamental beast that could possibly jump on you and send you crashing off a cliff.
Disliking dogs is just an opinion. Like disliking oatmeal or uneven hairstyles. (Those examples aren’t referring to me, by the way.) It’s just an opinion. Everyone can have opinions. You have an opinion about cats. What would you expect me to do if you said you didn’t like cats? You would probably expect me to understand and be nice about it. So how about extending me the same courtesy when I say I don’t like dogs?
Just because I don’t want to be around little Cutie Bum-Bum doesn’t mean that I am horrible and inhuman. Okay?
And again, this message is only for the rude, annoying dog people. Those people are very rare and you might go through life without meeting one of them. No one I know is a crazy Dog Person.
This is an example of a crazy Dog Person: this person said on the huffington post in reply to an article about dogs in schools,
“I’m not comfortable being around people who hate dogs, but we all have to make sacrifices.”
their comment was in reply to someone else’s comment about not feeling comfortable having dogs in their school.
Crazy Dog Person commenter, I hope that wherever you are your little Dipsy Doo-Doo looses his jeweled collar.