Once upon a time about 5 years ago, I wanted pet fish. I wanted an aquarium of fish. So I bought an aquarium of fish.
*Note: if you are squeamish about fish you should probably stop reading. Seriously. Don’t read the whole thing and then call me and tell me how gross it is. You have been warned…
So I started with 4 fish. 3 guppies and one neon yellow fish that glowed under a black light.
One male guppy that looked kind of like this:
And 2 female guppies that looked kind of like this:
The idea being that they would have little guppy babies. Guppies don’t lay eggs.
The neon yellow fish was named Zippy. Zippy looked like this. (I have no idea of Zippy’s gender.)
It was happy in the little aquarium. Until the Clouds came. Cloud and Cloud were 2 roundish white fish. I no longer remember their species, so you’ll just have to imagine what they looked like.
I also got 2 calm little red shrimp things. They were tiny. I named that Jacques, after the shrimp in Finding Nemo. Jacques and Jacques were the most well-behaved fish. They just sat around eating algae. They looked like little bugs.
Cloud and Cloud started eating the blue guppy’s tail. I wish I remember the blue guppy’s name. Poor blue guppy, I’m sorry you got your tail eaten.
Unfortunately that wasn’t the end of the bad news. Icky, one of the female guppies (I let my sister name her) died in childbirth.
With 2 guppies, a neon fish, and 2 clouds, I decided to get a new fish.
Meet Midnight. Midnight was not pregnant. He (or she?) was a black balloon fish. Midnight was my favorite fish.
Then I learned that it was Zippy, not the Clouds, who was eating the blue guppy’s tail. Zippy was denoted from 2nd favorite fish to least favorite fish.
In the meantime, I got a couple of those little fish with the neon stripe through them, the kind that are in lobbies all across America. I don’t remember their names.
We cleaned out the tank one day to find that Midnight had died. And sunk to the bottom of the tank. All my fish, when dead, sink to the bottom of the tank. What is with that?
Then the guppies died, Jacques and Jacques had long passed away. They weren’t missed very much.
I now had the Clouds, Zippy, and some neon stripe fish. It was time for more fish! I got another Zippy fish, this one a brighter yellow, and named it Lemon. Lemon didn’t last.
The last fish I got, right after Zippy’s death, was the kind that stick to the side of the tank and eat the algae. That was Ingrid. Ingrid was only alive for one night. A note to Ingrid: I’m sorry if you were a boy, Ingrid. But I liked the name Ingrid.
The neon stripe fish died.
Then the clouds died. T’was very sad. I still wonder why they sank after they died.
But I learned a valuable lesson from all this. NO FISH! Ever!
Rest in peace, little fishes.